Windsor Magazine/Volume 11/Mrs. Ballard’s First

Mrs BALLARD'S FIRST
By W. Pett Ridge

"BUT there!" said Mrs. Ballard, when she had exhausted her stock of acrimonious criticism, "it's no use talking to you, James. Nothing but a sheer waste of words."
"I was going to suggest that," remarked Mr. Ballard respectfully.
"There never was but one man in this world."
"So I've 'eard you say."
"A better and a kinder and a more thoughtfuller 'usband never existed this side of 'eaven. There's his portrait," added Mrs. Ballard, pointing to a coloured photograph of her first mate which hung in a heavy gilt frame on the wall. "That'll prove that I'm speaking the truth, if nothing else won't."
Mr. Ballard's attention had on previous occasions been directed to the portrait, but from a natural spirit of obedience he glanced at it again. It represented a man with a stiff, short beard, which beard the artist had painted a pale blue, and this, although scarcely credible, seemed in keeping with the general style of the picture. Mr. Ballard coughed.
"He knew something," said Mr. Ballard, putting on his braided cap and preparing to leave for the Custom House.
"Gentlemen," remarked Mrs. Ballard pointedly, "do not as a rule keep their caps on indoor

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